Help My Unbelief

“Help my unbelief.”

Words spoken by a desperate man, a desperate father, to Jesus in Mark 9. Can you imagine? You’re staring into the face of God himself...in unbelief? Our cries for help when we turn to God in desperate situations happen because of our unbelief. At least mine do.

When I’m feeling shame, when I’m feeling lost, when I’m feeling tempted, these are the roots of my unbelief in the moments when I come face-to-face with God, and it’s these roots that keep tangling me up and cutting off the very breath of life, the very breath of purpose given to me by God himself. It’s these roots growing in my soul that trap me into believing lies about myself, but more than that, underneath the surface they choke out the truths about who God is, about the Scriptures, and the Gospel message that has set me free from my unbelief.

Did God really say…? Is God really…?

Yes, yes he did really say, yes he really is everything that I know him to be. He is so gracious and merciful and compassionate and loving and kind towards his creation that he gave everything he had and loved to save it from itself. But yet there’s this mystery type of Miracle-Grow I keep ingesting that feeds these roots that I’ve failed to admit are still there, or that I failed to admit existed in the first place. God says I am loved, but the roots say I’m unlovable. God says I am worthy, but the roots say I am unworthy. God says I have created you with purpose, but the roots say I’ll never find it. God help my unbelief.

I think that part of the unbelief of who God is in my generation comes from a faith laced with a distorted message of God's view of and response to sin that got passed down to us until it was understood to be nothing but condescending hatred and righteous judgment. In a lot of conversations I have with people my age I find that they are so turned off by faith because of how we were taught to believe: "Do this, don’t do that, stay away from 'bad things'" instead of understanding that being free from sin is about getting to the root of sin, not just not doing bad things. 

But I'm convinced that God is using my generation, as we are slowly becoming the voices from the pulpit (both virtually and otherwise), to begin to shed this false narrative of a God who only wants to condemn and judge people for their sin so that they may know his plan for redemption in our world. This isn't because of how perfect and righteous we are as Christians, but because of how perfect and righteous and GOOD God is. 

I’ve been going through a study in the book of Jude. What this book addresses is the fact that God is keeping us blameless before him, but it’s not a keeping that we can do on our own because we are unable. That’s a hard truth to accept and acknowledge when you live in a culture bombarding you to “do you”, to fight for yourself and your independence because you don’t need anyone else. It’s a hard truth to accept and acknowledge when you’re used to feeding yourself false narratives about who you are and of who God is.

Stop trying to fight for something that’s out of your grasp because, hello,  you’re too weak. Stop trying to be the hero of your own story because, hello, you are flawed and unable to reach some worldly and unattainable level of perfection.  More importantly, stop trying to fight for something that you don’t have to work for because, HELLO,  the work has already been done for you.

Sin is real; the temptation to sin is real. But I also know that the transforming and life-changing work of salvation through the death of Jesus Christ on the cross for the forgiveness of sin so that we may be presented before God blameless and righteous is very real and trustworthy. That's not to say that everything will always come up roses in life because that would be foolish, but to know that there is One who can sympathize with our weakness, "Let us then with confidence [boldness] draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need," (Hebrews 4:16).