A Heart Full of Love
"New and a bit alarming." That's a Beauty and the Beast song reference if you're a musical/Disney movie geek like me, and is truly the only way I can describe this feeling bubbling up in my heart. It's a feeling that I thought I've felt before, but it turns out it was only superficial and shallow in the past. It's a feeling that has now turned into one being laced with joy and a type of "just because" satisfaction. This feeling is one of love.
Slow your roll (*insert eye roll here*) because it's not the eros (romantic) type love one would expect from a twenty-something unsure about this particularly dull area of her life. No, much to my surprise this type of love is philos or philia: the type of deep love you develop in friendships and other non-romantic types of relationships. A type of love my heart skipped over once upon a time because my focus was in the wrong place. I only wanted one thing for so long that I completely ignored this critical component to building deep relationships.
And now I feel I am paying the price for ignoring this part of building a good and solid foundation in my relationships, whether or not they are ones which will develop into anything romantic. The price I am paying is much internal cognitive conflict. The conflict is between knowing in my head and my heart that I am loving out of pure motives (John 13:35; 15:12), but then there's also this paranoia right alongside that knowledge. My human nature tells me everyone is seeing through this "love" I have for people, that everyone thinks I am loving (eros, romantically) out of trying to get what I want, out of manipulation.
The beauty of the power of God in the midst of all this is that he overtakes this internal conflict, he takes the brokenness and hurt in my heart, and he turns it into something beautiful. I praise God for the healing of those pieces of my heart which have been traumatized and broken in the past since I have been here on my internship because now I am able to feel and express this philos type of love with no strings attached. I will admit philos is a type of love I will forever be seeking to express well because developing friendships is no easy feat. There is much excitement of exploring this type of love and being able to do it confidently with no hidden agenda or ultimatum, and it is a journey I am slowly and happily stepping into.
The journey is possible because my Father, who loves me beyond anything I could imagine or think tells me to give nothing less than my everything and keep loving anyway despite those who are skeptical of my heart and my actions...and I hate that it's so hard. Isn't loving when it's difficult the great part of loving others though whether you have deep friendships, are married, or are somewhere in between? The reason behind this difficulty is because we live in a time where our relationships have become extremely shallow and superficial. We have looked past the key to unlocking how to love others well: by being committed and not giving up on them.
As I have studied through Matt Chandler's book The Mingling of Souls (a study which takes its reader through the Song of Solomon), love takes on a whole new meaning in this context of being committed to other people that I have never realized or known before. Love unpacks itself in a beautiful Hebrew word 'ahava: I love you and I'm not going anywhere. This is a love that I desire to display whether it'd be in ministry and working through difficult situations with people, or whether in my personal relationships with friends and loved ones.
So how do you love well? Do you place a value on your friendships and stick things out with them until the end, all the while pointing them to Christ and the healing he can do in their lives? Or are your relationships shallow and flighty and you give up the second something goes wrong or there's conflict? Don't continually bring up the things that are weaknesses in their lives (because, trust me, they already know those), but don't ignore the yellow or red flags that come up because of those weaknesses. Watch how they work, how they act, how they react...how they love well. Focus on their strengths and encourage them through those especially when things are going wrong.
It's been said that loving is never easy, but don't let fear or past hurts keep you from loving others with a determination to see things through to the end. In the context of 'ahava, treat each relationship with deep commitment and an "I'm not going anywhere" attitude.
"For love is strong as death, jealousy is fierce as the grave." Song of Solomon 8:6
Slow your roll (*insert eye roll here*) because it's not the eros (romantic) type love one would expect from a twenty-something unsure about this particularly dull area of her life. No, much to my surprise this type of love is philos or philia: the type of deep love you develop in friendships and other non-romantic types of relationships. A type of love my heart skipped over once upon a time because my focus was in the wrong place. I only wanted one thing for so long that I completely ignored this critical component to building deep relationships.
And now I feel I am paying the price for ignoring this part of building a good and solid foundation in my relationships, whether or not they are ones which will develop into anything romantic. The price I am paying is much internal cognitive conflict. The conflict is between knowing in my head and my heart that I am loving out of pure motives (John 13:35; 15:12), but then there's also this paranoia right alongside that knowledge. My human nature tells me everyone is seeing through this "love" I have for people, that everyone thinks I am loving (eros, romantically) out of trying to get what I want, out of manipulation.
The beauty of the power of God in the midst of all this is that he overtakes this internal conflict, he takes the brokenness and hurt in my heart, and he turns it into something beautiful. I praise God for the healing of those pieces of my heart which have been traumatized and broken in the past since I have been here on my internship because now I am able to feel and express this philos type of love with no strings attached. I will admit philos is a type of love I will forever be seeking to express well because developing friendships is no easy feat. There is much excitement of exploring this type of love and being able to do it confidently with no hidden agenda or ultimatum, and it is a journey I am slowly and happily stepping into.
The journey is possible because my Father, who loves me beyond anything I could imagine or think tells me to give nothing less than my everything and keep loving anyway despite those who are skeptical of my heart and my actions...and I hate that it's so hard. Isn't loving when it's difficult the great part of loving others though whether you have deep friendships, are married, or are somewhere in between? The reason behind this difficulty is because we live in a time where our relationships have become extremely shallow and superficial. We have looked past the key to unlocking how to love others well: by being committed and not giving up on them.
As I have studied through Matt Chandler's book The Mingling of Souls (a study which takes its reader through the Song of Solomon), love takes on a whole new meaning in this context of being committed to other people that I have never realized or known before. Love unpacks itself in a beautiful Hebrew word 'ahava: I love you and I'm not going anywhere. This is a love that I desire to display whether it'd be in ministry and working through difficult situations with people, or whether in my personal relationships with friends and loved ones.
So how do you love well? Do you place a value on your friendships and stick things out with them until the end, all the while pointing them to Christ and the healing he can do in their lives? Or are your relationships shallow and flighty and you give up the second something goes wrong or there's conflict? Don't continually bring up the things that are weaknesses in their lives (because, trust me, they already know those), but don't ignore the yellow or red flags that come up because of those weaknesses. Watch how they work, how they act, how they react...how they love well. Focus on their strengths and encourage them through those especially when things are going wrong.
It's been said that loving is never easy, but don't let fear or past hurts keep you from loving others with a determination to see things through to the end. In the context of 'ahava, treat each relationship with deep commitment and an "I'm not going anywhere" attitude.
"For love is strong as death, jealousy is fierce as the grave." Song of Solomon 8:6
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