January 23, 2013
I love that our school is small enough that we get to do awesome things. Yesterday our whole campus had the opportunity to travel to Caton's Island for a retreat day. It was a time for solitude, a time to get alone with God, and a time to focus on the plans and purposes He has for us as a university this semester/year.
I walked up a flight of stairs to an empty room dropping my bag to the floor. I sat in silence at the top of this building, my Bible untouched, my hands refusing to pick it up until I met with God. And not just meet with God like I used to, but a tangible, real encounter with the Holy Spirit which I have been longing for. But still the silence lingered.
I had a blue journal with me which I purchased before my very first semester back in 2013 and I leafed through it reading notes of chapel services from that semester and reflected on the wisdom passed down from pastors, teachers, missionaries and the like as they spoke to us as a campus.
Sometimes when I take notes I'll have a thought or idea and I turn to the very back of my journal and flip it upside down. As I flipped to see what I had written in those months of my first semester, the first page read like this:
If I could have a moment of vulnerability for a second, I would also say that I am absolutely terrified of what this will continue to look like in my life. I don't know where I'll end up in ministry, or if I'll ever end up in ministry; I don't know if I'm ever going to get married or experience raising kids, and I have not a clue what it looks like to be a spiritual leader in my home. But the beauty of it is that it's a constant state of surrender, it is a constant state of daily choosing to put God first and declare myself second to him. It is a constant state of remembering that I have zero control because He is Lord of my life, not me.
As the semester carries on I hope to remember this bold declaration of faith and trust I made so many years ago, and I hope that you (whoever you are) can do the same. What does it look like in your own life to declare today that you are second? What does it look like to wholly and fully surrender the will of God on your life? What does it look like to ask God to break you and use you for the advancement of His Kingdom?
I walked up a flight of stairs to an empty room dropping my bag to the floor. I sat in silence at the top of this building, my Bible untouched, my hands refusing to pick it up until I met with God. And not just meet with God like I used to, but a tangible, real encounter with the Holy Spirit which I have been longing for. But still the silence lingered.
I had a blue journal with me which I purchased before my very first semester back in 2013 and I leafed through it reading notes of chapel services from that semester and reflected on the wisdom passed down from pastors, teachers, missionaries and the like as they spoke to us as a campus.
Sometimes when I take notes I'll have a thought or idea and I turn to the very back of my journal and flip it upside down. As I flipped to see what I had written in those months of my first semester, the first page read like this:
"And tonight, January 23, 2013, at the last Infuse service at Kingswood University, I, Alecia da Cruz, wholly and fully, completely and utterly, 100% consecrate and sell myself out to the ministry of God's Kingdom now, and always. I consecrate my future work in ministry, my role as a wife and a mother someday, and my role as a spiritual leader in my home. I give full permission to God to break me and use me fully to advance His Kingdom and stretch me in ways I could never imagine. I wholly surrender to the will of God in my life now and forever more."I was speechless! I couldn't believe that I had ever written something like that, and never reminded myself of it or looked back on it ever again since that year. In that moment of intense emotions during a service like Infuse, obviously it was easy for me to write those things down, but did I truly believe it? Have I fully and wholly consecrated and sold myself out for the work of the Kingdom? Verbally, yes. In ink and on paper, yes. In my heart and mind? Absolutely.
If I could have a moment of vulnerability for a second, I would also say that I am absolutely terrified of what this will continue to look like in my life. I don't know where I'll end up in ministry, or if I'll ever end up in ministry; I don't know if I'm ever going to get married or experience raising kids, and I have not a clue what it looks like to be a spiritual leader in my home. But the beauty of it is that it's a constant state of surrender, it is a constant state of daily choosing to put God first and declare myself second to him. It is a constant state of remembering that I have zero control because He is Lord of my life, not me.
As the semester carries on I hope to remember this bold declaration of faith and trust I made so many years ago, and I hope that you (whoever you are) can do the same. What does it look like in your own life to declare today that you are second? What does it look like to wholly and fully surrender the will of God on your life? What does it look like to ask God to break you and use you for the advancement of His Kingdom?
"March 15, 2013: "Daughter, who told you that you'll never make it in ministry? Who told you that you could never bring someone to Christ or be an effective leader? Because it wasn't me." -God
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