The Feeling
I was asked to pick up some kids for a VBS program we were having at our church this week. It wasn't a problem for me helping someone out, but I started to get this feeling in my heart. We shuffled into the church and the feeling went away, but I knew it wouldn't be long before it returned. The program continued on and when it ended, I rounded up the kids in the midst of a chaotic setting counting them every 5 seconds to make sure I had them all, and out the door we went so I could return them to their respective homes.
As we drove down the road, I looked in the rear view mirror and saw their smiling faces as they talked about the cool prizes and the goings on of the night, and I smiled to myself as I realized what the feeling I was feeling was:
One day (I hope) this will be the rest of my life. Shuffling kids from here to there, listening to them talk about events or what happened at school, and looking in the rear view at their cheesin' faces beaming from ear to ear, and their counterparts; the hurt feelings, the temper tantrums, the times when they need to learn a lesson, and all the moments in between.
I've been reading through The Hard Twenty Somethings again this summer, and read a little more carefully in the chapter of the "Young Adult Tango" (the tension twenty-somethings face to be young and an adult). I want to be young and have the freedom that I want to have to travel and explore and experience, but yet I'm in such a rush to grow up because I feel like this is a season that my heart is wrestling through right now. It's a "zone of the unknown" that I'm not even sure will become a reality in my life, but mystery heart cry to be a wife and a mom is extremely loud in this zone. I'm only at the beginning stages of my twenty-somethings, but so are those around me who are getting married every other week it seems like, and quite frankly it sucks to be stuck in this zone.
It sucks to be stuck in this zone, but I refuse to stuff these feelings down and act like they don't even exist. I refuse to allow this season of singleness to keep me from doing what I want to do and finding new adventures. And I refuse to let people (and me) convince me "adult" needs to weigh more on the scale than "young" in this season of my life.
But I know that this waiting period will be so much more beautiful when it (hopefully) comes to an end. And so for now I will rest in this zone with hope and expectation. For now I will embrace this season of singleness and embrace the current challenges and adventures I will have as I, in the words of Andy Stanley, "become the person I'm looking for is looking for"....whatever that looks like.
As we drove down the road, I looked in the rear view mirror and saw their smiling faces as they talked about the cool prizes and the goings on of the night, and I smiled to myself as I realized what the feeling I was feeling was:
One day (I hope) this will be the rest of my life. Shuffling kids from here to there, listening to them talk about events or what happened at school, and looking in the rear view at their cheesin' faces beaming from ear to ear, and their counterparts; the hurt feelings, the temper tantrums, the times when they need to learn a lesson, and all the moments in between.
I've been reading through The Hard Twenty Somethings again this summer, and read a little more carefully in the chapter of the "Young Adult Tango" (the tension twenty-somethings face to be young and an adult). I want to be young and have the freedom that I want to have to travel and explore and experience, but yet I'm in such a rush to grow up because I feel like this is a season that my heart is wrestling through right now. It's a "zone of the unknown" that I'm not even sure will become a reality in my life, but mystery heart cry to be a wife and a mom is extremely loud in this zone. I'm only at the beginning stages of my twenty-somethings, but so are those around me who are getting married every other week it seems like, and quite frankly it sucks to be stuck in this zone.
It sucks to be stuck in this zone, but I refuse to stuff these feelings down and act like they don't even exist. I refuse to allow this season of singleness to keep me from doing what I want to do and finding new adventures. And I refuse to let people (and me) convince me "adult" needs to weigh more on the scale than "young" in this season of my life.
But I know that this waiting period will be so much more beautiful when it (hopefully) comes to an end. And so for now I will rest in this zone with hope and expectation. For now I will embrace this season of singleness and embrace the current challenges and adventures I will have as I, in the words of Andy Stanley, "become the person I'm looking for is looking for"....whatever that looks like.
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